Dealing With Criticism

How to Deconstruct What 'They' Say

Criticism happens all the time. It happens a lot. And it can come from any direction in your life. Sometimes, criticism can be really constructive and helpful towards improvement, but for the most part, it is opinionated and feelings get hurt. Sometimes we may be discouraged because of one person’s biased comments, but we have to keep moving and persevere to become the best versions of ourselves and prove all the haters wrong.

Criticism can come from anywhere - It might be your mom telling you to lose some weight, a panel of judges literally criticizing your performance, your teacher giving you constructive feedback on your progress, or an angry director yelling at you to understand their confusing instructions. ( *I’ve worked with my fair share of directors like this, but if you want to see a truly inspiring and phenomenal director at work, check out Jose Maria Condemi* ) No matter where the criticism comes from, there are many tools at your disposal to help you work through the feedback you’re getting.

THE TOOLS:

*Look for consistencies, drop the outliers - You might be getting many opinions from many different directions, but let me tell you a secret….. (most of them don’t matter). Everybody has a different preference for what they prefer or like to hear/see, so most of their criticism won’t really apply to you; however, what you should be watching out for is if there are any repetitions. If several people give you the same point of feedback, it might be worth paying attention to. Keep in mind that your worth does not depend on what any one person says about you.

*Listen to what they're saying, not how they're saying it - Sometimes what people say doesn’t actually make any sense. For example, in the event of a masterclass with a big name performer, you are generally not the center of attention - they are. This person is giving a performance and so what they tell you might be more for show and less real advice worth listening to. They might be saying a lot of words and sentences that sound profound or like they’re worth something, but for the most part, they are just trying to sound fancy and their tone is what sounds a little bit intimidating, not their actual opinion.

Have a masterclass or performance coming up? Read - Tackling Performance Anxiety!

In another case, if your teacher or director is having a bad day, they might raise their voice and seem angry or disappointed with you, but for the most part, it isn’t really about you and more about the fact that they’re having a frustrating day. So try not to take it to heart. A lot of times, the tone is what can make you a ‘deer in headlights’ or may impact you negatively for the future, so taking the tone away, can make the actual criticism more palpable and less scary.

*Take what applies to you, **** the rest - Easier said than done. It is no question that it is hard to take everything with a grain of salt and to just ignore the negativity. If you sing for somebody and they start to criticize you and give you feedback for your technique, saying that it is wrong or that you should try doing the opposite of what you’ve been doing - nod your head, smile, and keep doing the same thing. Worst case, the person will think you’re a slow learner. Best case, they will experience confirmation bias and think that you actually changed your technique and what they said works.

Imagine you have a teacher that you trust and that has helped you improve and taught you the healthiest way of singing for you. Then, somebody else comes along and their opinion is the exact opposite and contradicts your current technique instead of building on it and offering larger insights - DON’T listen to it. It does not matter. Take what you can apply to your current development and ignore everything else.

If you feel like you haven’t found the right teacher yet, here’s how!

*It is just one person's opinion -

I’ve mentioned this before, but seriously it is just ONE person. Everybody has different tastes and preferences. Just because you like mint chip ice cream, doesn’t mean that the person next to you does too. They might prefer rum raisin, you never know. Analogy aside - trust your gut and do what feels right for you.

*Filter what you hear - Believe it or not, most ‘critics’ want what is best for you and maybe they might not know how to articulate it in the way that works for you. Maybe you have a new teacher or coach and they’re trying to get you to try something new. Instead of shutting down or thinking you can’t understand what they want from you, try to filter what they really mean. For example, for one teacher, puckering your lips while you sing is the same as creating a lift behind your cheekbones for another teacher.

Another instance might be that the person uses a lot of negative language (i.e. don’t do, no, that’s wrong, you’re not getting it) Again, try your best to filter out the negativity and bad connotations that come from what they say and focus on the real message. If they say “don’t slouch”, in your head change it to “stand up taller”

*Seek feedback -

This is probably the most important tool I’m going to mention. If you take anything from this blog. Take this. The more you hear it, the more you get used to it, the more you understand it. When you understand it, you can use all of the previously mentioned tools. Your mentors always appreciate it when you ask for feedback because it shows that you are engaged and you want to improve/ learn. Usually, if you ask, they will give you constructive criticism and on top of that, you will be ready to hear it and process it. This won’t hold you back and will only aid in your growth.

Over time, it becomes easier to deal with criticism and to deconstruct it the way I have outlined for you. You will always have people around you that want to share their opinion or tell you something that they think will help you improve but actually hurts you. That’s why it is so important to recognize what they say, read between the lines, and truly pick apart what you can keep and disregard.

I really hope that these tips can aid your progress and help you through the next time you receive criticism that isn’t the most constructive and doesn’t work well for you. Happy Singing!